Fun With Spam!

Happy crappy Monday and welcome to another wondrous segment of Fun With Spam! Here is one of the latest craptastic emails I received and, of course, I did send a response as well. I've added the subject line of the email I received as it is pretty much my favorite part:

To: ImBringingBloggingBack@yahoo

Subject: Please help me am contacting you from my sick bed

Dear Friend,

I know that this will be a surprising message to youas we have not meet each other before. My name is Mr.Samuel Ouedraogo,from Burkina Faso.I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer.It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, I have spent much money through my only uncle claiming that he want to help my critical IL-health condition while using my money for himself.He has even bribed the doctor to tell me that I have only about a few months to live to seeing if i have another money to bring out for him to take of which he can still bribe to kill me.I was never generous, and only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for and i did all this because of my inability to bear a child that is why my uncle want me dead so that he will take all my belongings as i have no brother nor sister.Because of my being impotent i adopted a female child as icannot born and i cannot live alone.I do not trust my the man any more to die here and live the little adopted girl straunded, as he seem not to be happy with me and her. He has sworded not to allow her live so that he can easily inbound all my belongings immediately i die. Now that my health has deteriorated so badly and i cannot do things myself any more i will like you to do me a favor and i don't want my uncle to know about this development till i live the country. I strongly believe that our God almighty can still change my IL-health condition.I need your urgent response so that we can make arrangement for me and my daughter to come over to meet you in your country for good treatment before anything happens to me here.I have a fixed deposit account which no one knows about and i saved this funds for the purpose of using it at my old age since i have no child before this adoption. I believe that with this funds you can change this my sickness by arranging a specialist for adequate treatment in your kind control their in your country because with God all things are possible.

God be with you.
Mr.Samuel Ouedraogo

Dear Mr. Samuel Ouedraogo,

Thank you so much for the email. I have been bribed to be killed by my uncle more times than I can shake a stick at, so I definitely know what you're going through. I can relate. I'm totally not a registered doctor or anything, but I think you are having a hard time "bearing" a child because you are missing a vagina and your name is "Mr." Samuel. Although, I do feel quite honored that you let me know you were impotent in the very first email to me. There's no such thing as too much information. That's what I think I like about you most.

Look, I hate to leave your newly adopted little girl "straunded" but times are a bit tough and the economy isn't so great here in the sunny US of A. I'm not quite sure if you're looking for me to help you with your daughter, call the police on your uncle, or fly you to the "America" so that a skilled doctor can fix your broken dick. Therefore, I think I'll pass, but let's definitely stay in touch. Friends 4-Eva.

God is With Me,

IBBB

www.myspace.com/ImBringingBloggingBack

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Fun With Spam!

IBBB loves his SPAM. No really, I love when I get it. Here's a little something that was written about as well as can be that was emailed to me today....oh and below that is what I emailed back:

Complement of the day, Thank you for reading my mail. i am Mrs. Jane Cole a staff of Standard Chartered Bank attached in Private Banking services. I am contacting you concerning a customer and, an investment placed under our banks management 4 years ago, I contacted you independently of our investigation and no one is informed of this communication and I would like to intimate you with certain facts that I believe would be of interest to you. My proposal; I am prepared to place you in a position to instruct the finance firm to release the deposit to you as the closest surviving relation. Upon receipt of the deposit, I am prepared to share the money with you 50/50.. But on the other hand, you as a foreigner and also with all the necessary legal and official documentations from me and the presiding attorney and also with the authority vested upon me by the original depositor. If you find yourself able to work with me, contact me through this email: janecole19601690@hotmail.com Please note that, I am happily married with two kids. Do not betray my confidence. If we can be of one accord, we should plan a meeting, soon. I await your response.

Sincerely,

Jane Cole

Dear Jane Cole,
Well isn't this quite the honor! I must be one the luckiest streaks of my life because I literally got about 15 emails this week alone from people who want to split money with me! I decided to respond to you because of your "complement of the day." What a complement that was! It shows me that you really care about me and, well, I'm realizing that I care about you too.


I did have a question though. You mentioned that you wanted to "intimate me with certain facts." Does that mean you're going to email me pictures of your boobs? Because I'm pretty sure that's what you meant. I'm glad that you are, in fact, happily married with two kids and I will not betray your confidence. I'm sure your husband and kids are really treats.


I'm not quite sure if we can be "accord" as my last car was not a Honda. Perhaps we can meet up if/when you make it to New York City. I'll be looking for you to wash up to shore in an inner-tube as I have a feeling that's how you'll be hand delivering my check to me.


I Love You Forever,
IBBB

www.myspace.com/ImBringingBloggingBack

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Fun with SPAM!

IBBB loves his SPAM. No really, I love when I get it. Here's a little something that was written about as well as can be that was emailed to me today:

Hello,

How are you today?,I hope you are fine.If so thank be to God almighty. My name is Rose Nicol,23 years from Angola in Southern Africa.I am single girl looking for honest and nice person.
Somebody who care and respect God,and have regards for humanity. I don't care about your colour or ethnicity.I would like to know you more,most especially what you likeand what you dislike.I'm sending you this beautiful mail, with a wish for much happiness.I am looking forward to hear from you, again.Thanks and be blessed.

Love from, Rose

Wow! What a real treat. Since I am a huge tool I decided to write back to Rose. Here's what I sent:

Dearest Rose,

You are right, this is a beautiful mail. I just finished thanking God Almighty since I am doing fine, thanks for asking. The way you randomly place commas and question marks in the middle of sentences make me want to know you more too.

In regards to what I like and what I dislike, I've listed them below. I hope we have these in common.

Likes: Emails from Rose, The Hills, The Red Sox, Homeless people with a sense of humor, birds with one working wing, question marks, typing "etc," maps, ski goggles, and sending money overseas to Liberian diplomats who email me.

Dislikes: People who say "supposebly," stop signs, coffee grounds on the bottom of my iced coffee, lepers, cow bells, girls names Rose from South Africa, timetables

Write me back when you finished digging up yams.

Luke-Warm Regards,

IBBB

www.myspace.com/ImBringingBloggingBack

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I Love Spam

I love spam emails. I get them all the time, but ever since I've added my email address to IBBB I get them way more. They always consist of helping someone with transferring money to their Nigerian bank account. Well that's a trick I only fall for 3 times. 6 times at the most. Here's an email I received that is as grammatically correct as the crap that I usually write:

"hello My name is Silas James the only son of James Kranya my father has a company in my country, sudden he fall sick and my mother wasn’t around then, she went for medical check up in London, she is not yet back, when I heard sad news about the death of my father. from his so called business partner when I could reach her he have already inform her, according to the doctor she collapse when they manage to revive her she have already develop (Hi blood pressure) I become totally confuse, when the doctor see that the condition is incredible they fly her back, after the burial of my father his so called business partner took position of the company, my mother was trying to re-cover the company before death took her away but before she died she handed over to me the document that my late father made with bank here in Bamako Mali where am contacting you from, the sum of $7.2 million us Dollars was deposited by my father which I have confirmed, the management told me how the money was deposited on behalf of the partner, his name was not mention by the bank, the pressure is much for me that why am consulting you ,please can you surface as my father's business partner to the bank to enable me stand in my position , ask there to transfer the money through your account, I will visit your country for investment in way of appreciation 20% of the amount will be given to your ask compaction

Thanks Silas James"

Wow! So now did the mother collapse before or after the doctor put her on the plane due to high blood pressure? Did the so-called business partner attend the father's funeral and, more importantly, why am I the best option to help? I mean, I'm totally going to help them, but just wondering how I made it to the top of their list. I am so going to be rich you guys!

www.myspace.com/ImBringingBloggingBack

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