IBBB Interviews Chelsea Handler: Both Agree Spencer Pratt is an Overall Douche Bag

Sweet! It's Chelsea Handler interview day! First off let me say that out of 3 pictures that were taken, this is the one that came out the best. It was either blurry face me or blurry face Chelsea and, let's face it, who in the hell wants to see me.


Let me just say that Chelsea was insanely nice and extremely gracious to even do this interview with me. Let's face it, IBBB is certainly not People or Us Weekly. We chatted about such things as the most douche-baggy celebrity, how to break into the entertainment industry, why I was not ready for the Chelsea Lately panel, whether or not it's ok to miss seeing Britney's "gentlemen greeter," and a variety of other craptastic topics. I got 5 minutes with her....and this is the best I could come up with. Here's how it went down:

IBBB: Tell me about a time when you thought of just completely throwing in the towel. What convinced you to not give up?

Chelsea: You know what, I was never really good at anything else and I was a waitress and I knew that if I threw in the towel I would end up just being a waitress and I hated waiting tables so much that I had to just constantly get the fuck out of that job and so I just worked and worked and knew that eventually just come together. And, luckily for me it did. For now, anyway.

IBBB: Who's the most douche-baggy celebrity you ever met?

Chelsea: Spencer. Oh wait, that I met? I don't know. Actually Andy Dick is pretty much a douche bag. I mean, David Hasselhoff too, but I haven't met him yet. But I'm sure when I meet him he will be.

IBBB: Wait! What were you going to say about Spencer Pratt??

Chelsea: Well Spencer's the biggest douche bag. Period. Not celebrity douche bag, just douche bag.

IBBB: More of a fauxlebirty douche bag.

Chelsea: Yeah!

IBBB: Some people are saying you're the most feared woman in Hollywood since Joan Rivers. Personally, I fear the Olsen twins. Which celebrities refuse to do your show?

Chelsea: I try to keep positive things in my life and that never really gets back to me. Anyone who has a good sense of humor will do my show. So it hasn't really been a huge issue.

IBBB: Seriously, Perez Hilton is the worst. Do you think people should be able to make a successful career out of drawing "coke dots" on the nose of every celebrity?

Chelsea: It depends. If someone really likes cocaine and they want to show that everyone is doing it then that's their prerogative. I mean, it could be worse, I don't know, if he drew like a big white penis or cocaine dots. What's worse?

IBBB: Right, it's like Sophie's Choice.

Chelsea: If it's a holiday, I'll take the penis.

IBBB: So, the whole cast of Full House seems to be getting work lately, yet Kimmy Gibbler seems to be unemployable. How come?

Chelsea: Well, yeah, I'm working on that. I'm trying to get Kimmy her own show.

IBBB: Really. Sweet. You can pull some strings?

Chelsea: Yeah definitely. There's got to be something I can do.

IBBB: Scale of 1-10, how much do you miss seeing recent pictures of Britney's "gentleman greeter?"

Chelsea: Her vagina? Oh, not at all. I'm actually really happy that's taken a vacation from public viewing. There's really only so much you can take of that.

IBBB: What's your advice to those of us trying to break into the industry? How do you differentiate yourself?

Chelsea: I don't know. I just work really hard. It's like working out. If you go to the gym every day you're going to have a good body.

IBBB: Your talent exec, Michael Cox, told me I wasn't right for the Chelsea Lately panel because I'm not an "actual comedian" or legitimate "entertainment journalist".......

Chelsea: Oh. Sorry about that.

IBBB: ....why do you think your staff is racists towards funny and devilishly handsome bloggers with big penises?

Chelsea: Are you saying you have a big penis?

IBBB: Why yes I am.

Chelsea: We only choose people for the round table that have extremely small penises. We really like to help out people who are having trouble in the personal lives.

IBBB: Ugh. Alright fine. Anyway, my website, ImBringingBloggingBack, has readers who love to hear about the inside of the real celebrity world. How often are you hitting the club scene and what really goes on inside there?

Chelsea: I don't do any of that stuff. I'm so tired by the time I get home. First of all, no. The last thing I need to do is get my picture taken drunk dancing at a club after I sit around making fun of girl doing that. So I take my party straight back to my house and that's where me and my boyfriend get down and dirty.

IBBB: Awesome. Anything else you have going on?

Chelsea: No. Just this and the book and I have a new book coming out, but that's not for a couple of years. I just signed a deal for that...and that's about it.

IBBB: Well thanks for taking the time, I really appreciate it.

Chelsea: Yeah, thank you. Really nice to meet you BOB.

This could, perhaps, be the best part of the interview for me. I played that part back about 10 times and she totally called me "Bob" which isn't my name. Seriously, if that doesn't sum up my entire blog and existence, I don't know what does.

Again, Chelsea was extremely nice to even do this and was a riot the whole time.

Special thanks to my friend Paul for getting this set up, Chelsea's kick ass assistant Helene (Sissy and Turkey), and of course Chelsea. Oh and my buddies DouK and Lauren who are also in the photo. I'd also like to thank God and......ok done.

www.myspace.com/ImBringingBloggingBack

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Tommy Lee Wants Me to Go F*ck Myself....No Really.

Sweet. I made an enemy. No fun. So remember how I told you how I saw Tommy Lee in LA at KOI with Rod Stewart and his family? Oh, and I may have mentioned that I caught Hep C when he walked by. Yeah, well, apparently that's not too cool to say because I had a message waiting for me from Tommy Lee in my Myspace inbox telling me to, and I quote, "GO FUCK YERSELF!!!" At least he did the sidewards smiley face in the body of the email.

Let me totally go on the record saying that I, of course, deserve an email like that. I'm not mad or confused by it. I deserve it, for sure. Sometimes I go way too far with my 5th grade jokes. Can I say though that I sorta thought Tommy Lee was an ass before this, but this has made him totally cool in my eyes. I'm hoping he took the joke and seems like he did. And let me say this, if I was hosting The Soup or Best Week Ever these people would love these low blows.

Tommy Lee rocks. I'm writing him in for President. Oh, and if I'm gone from this blog it probably means that he took a hit out on me so please alert the authorities.

www.myspace.com/ImBringingBloggingBack

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IBBB + LA = Some Math Number

Thanks all for the many many emails whilst I was away. Who knew people actually gave a crap. LA was a good-old-time as it typically is. Here's a quick break down on who I saw while away:

1. Janice Dickinson: Janice walked into the Starbucks I was at on Sunset Blvd. Now I know you're going to think I'm crazy, but she didn't look bad at all. She stared right at me so I assume she was going to "discover me" but no luck. She walked in with some old man, hand-in-hand, and actually sat down and ate there reading the newspaper and yelling out loud how "it's a dog-eat-dog world." No clue. Then she was talking very loudly about how she was no longer doing anything without monetary compensation. I'm not sure what other type of compensation there is. Oh wait....


2. Gordon Ramsay: I was walking by The Ivy and he was sitting there eating. Seriously? He's a world class chef and is eating at The Ivy. No offense, but their food isn't that great. That dudes head is huge. That's all.


3. Stacey Keibler: Having drinks at STK on La Cienega. No joke, she's even hotter in person and tall as all hell. Good for her. I tried to hear what she was saying, but almost fell off my chair.


4. Bruce Jenner and Kris Jenner: Jackpot! These two were having dinner at STK. To see his 1988 Tijuana face-lift in person was worth me flying 6 hours to LA. Watching that feathered hair flow in the wind while he walked was a dream come true. Some waitress ran out after them and kept shaking their hand.


5. Ben Savage: Random. He was at KOI eating and then went to the bar for a drink. I thought of yelling out "Where's Topenga?" but I assumed he was already asked that 4 times that night.


6. Rod Stewart, Kimberly Stewart, Sean Stewart, Rod's wife (blanking on her name) and Tommy Lee: All together having dinner at KOI for Sean's birthday. Kim had on some retarded hat. Seriously, how is Tommy Lee in the Stewart mix? When he walked by me I'm pretty sure I caught Hep C.
   
7. Melina Kanakardes: She and some friends were sitting behind us at the Chateau Marmont. She was talking about renting some 6 bedroom house for this insane vacation. Rich people are way more interesting than me and they're actually better than me just because they have money.


8. Chelsea Handler: Me and my friends got to sit front row at her show, "Chelsea Lately" and then I was brought up to her dressing room to interview her. Seriously, insane. I'll post the interview early next week. She was insanely nice and had a fun conversation!

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