Eck! How Drunk is Suri!

Seriously, what a mess! I mean, how drunk is Suri!? Tom Cruise may be all over the place promoting the ever loving piss out of his new movie, "Hitler Was Just Misunderstood" but he should be tackling some family issues, stat. These family issues are, of course, Suri being a fall down drunk. Look at her! She's so trashed she has to be carried out of Katie Holmes play, "All My Sons." And did you ever notice how Suri seems to slur all of her words all of the time? Even Katie is forced to carry Suri's brown paper bag of wine. Someone get Suri the help she needs and get her the help now! Is there a height restriction to checking into Promises Rehab?




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Katie Continues Her Reign of Never Showing Her Teeth

Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise were all awkward poses at the LA premiere of "Tropic Thunder." Wasn't Katie just in NYC the other day with Suri Claus? How did she get to LA so quickly? She must have access to some type of machine that gets you from one side of the country to the other. Those tricky Scientologists! They're relentless with travel!

Seriously? Why won't Katie ever show her busted teeth when someone takes a picture of her? She must be on the Olsen plan of smiling. I don't mean to keep saying it, but isn't Katie like 27 years old? She looks like she's in her late 30's early 40's. I mean she looks good, well, good in a way like your aunt looks good when she goes to a wedding, but good nonetheless. She also looks like she's on enough tranquilizers to stop a charging elephant.

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