Britney Spears Goes Caroling. I Repeat, Britney Spears Goes Caroling.

If you ever wanted to hear Britney Spears sing "live" your best bet was to be on the streets of LA whilst Britney and Ellen went Christmas caroling for a segment Ellen was taping that will air on December 16th.

To tell you the truth, watching a lesbian and someone who's bi-polar dressed like characters from A Christmas Carol while holding a bell, a notebook, and singing, kinda sounds like the best Christmas ever. Is it just me or if we saw Britney dressed like this last April you wouldn't have thought twice about it.

I miss crazy Britney. I miss her and no me gusta :(

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Britney's 27th Birthday at Tenjune in New York. Dear Tenjune, Will Ya Let Me in For Once?

Britney Spears and her 27 year old rack celebrated her birthday by attending a fiesta (ole!) at Tenjune in New York last night. Britney was surrounded by most people she didn't know and was given her 15th birthday cake of the day. Giving awkward smiles with her trademark "open mouth" laugh and other Whitney Port facial expressions, Britney was said to have had a great time.

Most importantly is my appeal to Tenjune.

Dear Tenjune,

I've been trying to get into your establishment for 1.5 years. I've eaten next door at STK countless times in hopes that someone would magically just let me sneak down the stairs and into the backdoor of Tenjune. No luck. So please send me a personal invitation and possibly even a night of free drinks. In turn, I will write about what a great time I had there. Deal? Email me.

Signed,

IBBB

P.S --> I prefer to be there on a night when an Olsen Twin is at the bar.

This open letter was sponsored by the letter "P" and Goya.

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Was Britney in Slow Motion or Was That Just the Coma I Was Slipping Into?

Sure I'm a day late and $4 dollars short, but after all the hate mail I received yesterday for not even mentioning Britney on Good Morning America, I figure I'm better late then never. Or is it "never late and better?" No idea.

Anyway, I didn't want to post anything about Britney on GMA because after I had seen her on Britney: For the Record, I felt as though I was already going to hell. But since it's a done deal, let's talk about the "performance."

Look, I'm indifferent on Britney. And by "indifferent" I of course mean "it doesn't matter if I make sex with her in the front or back." However, I guess like most loserish people I would like to see her do well in life. I mean, who can survive off of only $125 million?

While watching Britney on GMA, it looked like she was moving in slow motion. At one point she even looked towards her family, who were sitting in the audience, and sorta giggled a little bit....almost like, "Can you believe I'm not dead yet!"

When she was perfoming the "uppercut punches" while singing Womanizer I honestly thought that Mohammad Ali could do faster punches today. And I'm pretty sure he is wheel chair bound.

In conclusion, Britney seems distant to me. I'm sure she's happier, but she just seems so far removed from herself, which is kind of sad because she was in the middle of a circus. Maybe next time she could flash her rack to liven herself up a bit? I'm not sure. I'm not a psychologist.

P.S --> I've seen "sideboob" before, but in the first picture I'm almost certain that is either "sideass" or "sidegina."

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Britney For the Record. Thanks For Making Me Feel Like Such a Jerk

So you can all pretend that you didn't watch "Britney: For the Record" last night, but I know the truth. I know you did. I also know you watched it again directly after it aired the first time. I'm like Visa. I'm everywhere.

Let me just say that after the first scene of Britney's dad making her daughter breakfast and him saying, "I'm making my baby cheese grits" I was thanking Jesus Claus that I remembered this "documentary" was on. I was sure it would be filled with "y'alls" and other white-trash paraphernalia. Moments later I found myself asking Jesus Claus for forgiveness as I immediately began feeling bad for all the mean things I wrote about Britney over the past 2.5 years. I'm pretty sure my blackened heart turned a light red after watching this.

I am, however, a little confused on what the messaging of this documentary was supposed to be. I mean, I can't be the only one who's confused about this. And why was Britney always looking slightly upward and to the left every time she was asked a question? Anyway, so is the messaging supposed to be that Britney has come back stronger than ever and wants to really sing and dance again? Or is the message supposed to be that Britney is basically in a depression and is "sad" because her dad controls her money, Larry Rudolph controls her career, and she is a prisoner in LA because her husband lives there and the court won't let her have her children and move? I'm sorta thinking it's the later because she kinda said all of those things. Some of those things were said whilst crying.

In conclusion, I actually felt bad for Britney. Not in a way where I pity her because thinking about her $125 million took the "pity card" away. In fact, I probably felt bad because of the dramatically sad music they played in the background and all those shots of her looking sadly out the window.

I would like to apply for a job of just traveling around with Britney and making jokes all day long just to make her laugh. Is there an application for that? Oh, and she really is looking good again so perhaps I can also do a little snooky-poo with her. Eh, I'll be sure to ask about that during the interview process.

What did you guys think about Britney: For the Record? Did you all feel as horrible as me for making fun of her all these years? Do all bloggers go to heaven?

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Madonna and Her Mickey Mouse Club Reunion

Leave it Beaver, and Madonna, to reunite those crazy Mickey Mouse Club kids also known as Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake. Last night at grandma Madonna's concert in Los Angeles, Britney Spears made a surprise visit on stage and helped Madonna sing a newer version of "Human Nature." I'm sure that sounded pleasing to the ear. Britney did look good though. And, again, while I spent the better part of a year teeing off on Britney for going crazy, now that she's thin and sane again I'm hopping back on the bandwagon that was once lovingly referred to as the "crazy-train."

But the blessed surprises didn't stop there. Oh no they most certainly did not. Later Justin Timberlake took to the stage in order to give the concert a little street cred and sang his portion of "4 Minutes."

Later, since Britney, Madonna, and Justin Timberlake all performed on the same stage on the same night the world actually imploded. You are actually reading this blog post from heaven....and in most cases, hell.

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This Time Last Year: Britney Had the #2 Album in the Country

Happy Friday and welcome back to everyones favorite lazy segment called "This Time Last Year." This Time Last Year will take a brief look at what was going on in the celebrity world...this time last year (go figure). Oh, and also I'm lazy so this is pretty easy to do on a Friday. Here's what was going on with Britney and her music career...this time last year...

Dear Little Girls of the World,

Hey there. How are ya doing? Yeah? You doing ok in school? Yeah, sometimes math can be a little tricky. Don't let those boys push you around during gym class either. Ok, come around here little girls of the world. IBBB has a little story for you.

Once upon a time there was a young girl named Britney Spears. She made it big on this show called "The Mickey Mouse Club." Years later the music industry went crazy and all of a sudden brainwashed the world and people felt that Britney was an entertainer and could sing. Britney made a gazillion dollars and a few years later she went nuts. She would party like it was her job and show her vagina to anyone and everyone that would look at it. She had a couple of kids and got married. Technically this was her second marriage. Anyway, Britney then got divorced, drank more, partied more, shaved her head, became a whore, lost custody of her kids, smashed a few cars, and showed her vagina dozens and dozens and dozens of times. It really was a magical time. And all of this was at the ripe old age of 25.

Well. little girls of the world, while we don't know yet how this story will end for Britney there is a major lesson for you to learn. A major lesson! And that lesson is if you drink a lot, dabble in drugs, and show your vagina a ton you too can have the #2 album in America. So put down those math books. Turn off your computers. Burn your science books. Just pick up the bottle of vodka and lose the underpants. As you're getting off your school bus be sure to flash a little of your "gentlemen greeter" and you are well on your way to living The American Dream. Remember, life has no consequences. Now go run with these here scissors. Be good.

The End!

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Britney's Circus Cover Has Photoshopped the Memory of Her Being Taken Out on a Stretcher from My Mind!

Britney Spears looks easy and breezy on the cover of her new album "Circus" and this picture has almost completely erased from my mind the images of her attacking a defenseless SUV with her Mary Poppins umbrella. Oh the good old days...when the jokes basically wrote themselves.

Anybald, I'm glad Britney is looking good again because, to me, when you look attractive it makes you a better person and I pay more attention to you. Fatasses can take a giant step to the back of the line.

Britney also revealed on her website that her next single will in fact be "Circus" which is explained as an "up-tempo track" according to Britney. Yeah, that's code word for "I pressed the "up-tempo" button on my Casio piano."

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This Time Last Year: Britney Goes to Church

Happy Friday and welcome back to everyones favorite lazy segment called "This Time Last Year." This Time Last Year will take a brief look at what was going on in the celebrity world...this time last year (go figure). Oh, and also I'm lazy so this is pretty easy to do on a Friday. Here's what was going on with Britney and the Church...this time last year...

This may be hard to believe, but Britney is in the news again. This time it's because of her new album, which I believe is called "Baby One More Time." Britney is dressed like a widowed streetwalker and is sitting on the lap of a "priest" in the confessional booth. The Catholic church, of course, is outraged at this as it really cuts back on the amount of time they can focus on trying to molest their alter boys and raise enough money to pay their legal bills due to the thousands of molestation cases against them. Geesh, I'd be mad too.

One spokesperson for the Catholic league has said, "She should be trying to be an entertainer without mocking a Catholic sacrament." True. Oh, yeah, you know what else is kinda true? A spokesperson for IBBB has issued the following statement to the spokesperson of the Catholic league. "Priests should be trying to be holy-like without molesting children." While I know that's not a sacrament it should just go without saying.

Look, I'm not saying all priests are diddle-monsters, but probably the majority of them. While Britney is "train-wreck-hot-sex-on-a-plate," there is nothing wrong with these pictures. I mean, maybe if her "gentlemen greeter" was showing that could be an issue, but I think the Catholics who are obsessed out there should just be pleased that photographs are out there with a girl of legal age on the lap of a priest....with key focus on "girl of legal age." This is actually some good press for them, no?

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Life Lessons by Britney Marie Spears

I have no idea if her middle name is Marie, I just assume. Anybald, apparently going bat-shit crazy and hanging on the brink of total mental meltdown is all you need to get a number 1 song in the good old US of A!

As of yesterday, Britney's new song "Womanizer" has gone from #96 to the #1 song in the country. This is the first time that Britney has gone #1 (giggity) since her first single, "Baby One More Time" back in 1999. Ah, remember good old 1999 when we all thought the world was going to explode at midnight on New Years? Ahhh Y2K. What a simpler time.

Britney even trumped Mariah Carey. Britney had 286,000 first week download sales, which is 200 more than the last record holder....Mariah Carey. You see, Mariah only went crazy enough by stripping down to her underpants and passing out popsicles on TRL back in the day. I mean, Britney really went full throttle by shaving her head and attacking a car with an umbrella. Perhaps if Mariah had passed out umbrellas instead of popsicles, Britney wouldn't have beat her.

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Britney Naked in Womanizer Video. Now With New Eyebrows!

Hey remember how I made fun of Britney for the past 2 years? Yeah, well I didn't mean it and you just misinterpreted my jokes. Britney is hot again and that changes everything. Not only am I back on the bandwagon, but I'm applying for the conductor position.

Britney's new video, Womanizer, debuted on 20/20 last night, because that makes sense, and I have to admit that while the song makes my ears twitch and then spit out blood and wax, the video is actually good....entertaining even. I mean, seeing Britney naked and greased up like a pig on a rotisserie is enough to hold my attention before falling off my chair.

Britney plays many different personalities in this video (the old me would have made an off color joke), but when she wasn't naked in the sauna I couldn't figure out why in the hell she looked so different to me. I pride myself on being able to identify Britney even when she isn't shaved bald and grasping a green umbrella, but I couldn't put my finger on it (giggity). Then it hit me with the same force that Ike hit Tina with. Britney stole the Olsen Sluts eyebrows!

Is it possible to grow out your eyebrows? If so, I'm pretty sure Britney did that. It makes her face look different, almost Neanderthal like. Eh, it works for her. You wanna know why boys and girls? Because at the end of the day Britney is thin again and that makes her a better person, a better singer, a better dancer, prettier, hotter, and a better citizen.

My favorite part of the video is when Britney pulls a "Reverse Blonsky" and kicks that dude in the crotch. It's not normal that as soon as I see that I immediately think, "Britney totally just Reversed Blonsky'd that guy!"

What did you trash bags think of the video?

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Britney's Womanizer Video Will Change the World, Your Life, and Your Kids Life

I'm not sure what's going on with the new Britney Spears video for Womanizer or the song for that matter, but it seems to be all that people are talking about after Sarah Palin's eyeglasses. The song has been released on iTunes and early yesterday it was already at #7 in the United States and #1 in Canada (Get off Britney's nuts, Canada).

In a completely random turn of events, the video will premiere on 20/20 Friday night. What's up with that? Kanye debuted his new video, Love Lockdown (great song) on Ellen the other day. Are "arists" finally figuring out that MTV doesn't play videos? I can't get my mind around why Britney chose 20/20, but I'm sure Barbara Walters and Hue Downs have something to do with it.

In the video for Womanizer, Britney wears many costumes and wigs for the many different personalities that she plays. I guess she didn't have to reach to deep to channel that. It looks like she's play Lynne Spears in the last photo.

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Go Brit Racer, Go Go Brit Racer

Britney looks so sexy in her black flame retardant hat and face mask. It really makes her rack pop. Britney Spears was filming some "behind the scenes" scenes for her upcoming DVD that will be sold as a package deal with her upcoming new CD in December. Clearly fans of Britney want to see her driving around a race track so she hoped in her go-kart at "The Real Racing Experience" in CA over the weekend and Britney hijinx ensued.

Britney could have brought this experience to a whole new level if there were paparazzi in other go-karts and she was driving with one hand and hold an umbrella in the other hand. Oh crap, that sounds like a brilliant idea for a video game. No one take my idea, I'm going to start working on that.

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Ohhhhh J Lo is Gonna be PISSED!

Looks like there's another "girl from the Bronx" besides Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx. While Britney is on her tour of New York City, she stopped off at a school in the Bronx where she walked around the school, posed for pictures, make awkward faces, showed a little of her bra whilst she bent over, and even signed some autographs for some young and impressionable children. I want to see what that "autograph" that the little boy has said. While most assume it just says, "To Tommy, Love Britney" I bet it actually says, "Can you ask your momma if I can have custody of you? Come home with me Tommy, come home with me."

It's also not certain whether or not Britney spoke with the school children about her supposed sex tape. Her ex, Adnan (a name which means, "4 seconds away from declaring jihad) is now coming forward saying that there is not a sex tape and he has no idea what that rumor came from.

Damn it! Looks like I'll have to cross that tape of my Christmas list this year.

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Damn It! Where's Ronson's Hat When You Need It?!

So close. So close. All Britney needed was Samantha Rotten's hat and she could have 100% completed her Freddie Krueger costume! Well you can't win 'em all.

Britney Spears has been playing in my backyard of NYC and was followed by the creepy paparazzi while she did a little shopping in SoHo yesterday. According to reports she tried to get into a jewelry store, but there were too many people surrounding her so she just got back in her car and left. Please, she thought LA was bad? Not only do you have your normal celebrity stalkers here in NYC, but 75% of the 2,000 people surrounding her were probably tourists thinking that Britney was putting on an outdoor play.

Meanwhile, Britney's new song "Womanizer"has been getting a lot of radio play and was even featured as the first song on they played on The Hills Monday night. That's all.

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"What's His Face" Makes Funny Face at Paparrazi

Britney, her dad, and her two kids, "What's His Face" and "The Other One" all enjoyed a nice dinner the other night in sunny Los Angeles. Speaking of angels, "What's His Face" really let the paparazzi know what he thinks of them by sticking out his tounge, presumably followed by shitting his pants. "The Other One" just kinda hung out there while "What's His Face" pitched an absolute fit while some random lady held him like football.

Regardless, I'm officially on the "Britney Spears Bandwagon" again, but strictly based on the fact that she looks good again. Some people call that "superficial" but I call it "Really Superficial." I mean, I'd still need Britney to take a bath in tub filled with bleach and Pinesol just to make sure she was cleaned up from whatever the hell she did to herself at the beginning of the year, but I'd still play reindeer games with her.

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Britney's New Song, Womanizer, Makes the Rounds

Britney was caught rocking a black Halloween fright wig after she shot part of her video for her new single, Womanizer, the other day in LA. I'm not sure if she ripped Rihanna's old wig right off of her head or asked to borrow it, but either way Britney is back in a wig and that's all that matters.

According to US Weekly, while shooting the video Britney sported this wig, tattoos, and would basically dry hump the kitchen counter in the restaurant they were filming the video in and had to make out with a dude in a business suit all while eating cherries. She sounds busy. I hope she wore a hairnet and gloves while Operation Restaurant Humpfest commenced.

Wanna listen to Britney's new song? Well click on the link below and you will be able to enjoy it in all its nasally glory.





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Ohhhh Tyra is Going to be PISSED!

If you don't know by now because you're too busy reading about gas prices, banks closing, businesses filing for Chapter 11, and political bullcrap, Britney Spears will be releasing her new single soon called, "Womanizer." With that comes all sorts of crazy people trying to leak the song and show what the cover will look like. Just wait for it. Who the F cares?! Well, the latest leak was the above cover, but it has now proven to be fake and, more importantly, it's been a rip-off of Tyra Banks from America's Next Top Model. You wanna be on top? Well don't F over Tyra. That's the rule. You totally know that Tyra will find a way to incorporate this into a future episode of ANTM. She'll tell the model girls about how she was a victim of identity theft or some shit.

I wonder what the actual promo cover will look like? I think it would be AWESOME if it was of Britney with the shaved head and umbrella attacking that SUV. She should totally do it. I'm sure she can laugh about it now. No? Not yet? Ok, well give it another year. Maybe for her Christmas album in 2009.

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Britney Spears in a Major Horse-Off

I've said it before and I'll say it again. If there are two things I love it's Britney and horses. I want to see more of Britney and I want to see more horses. I'm not quite sure, however, why Britney looks like she's about punch that dumb horse in the nose/mouth. I just hope that's not Heidi Montag's horse from Crested Butte. Nobody, and I mean nobody, better lay a hand on Heidi's horse or you'll have me to answer to.

Anyhorse, Britney was at a polo match in LA over the weekend. I don't know why, but she was there. Perhaps she's going to purchase that horse from "What's His Face" or "The Other One." Perhaps she'll train that horse to read Lynne Spears book to her. I just assume these are the type of things you do when you're rich. You do train horses to read to you when you're rich, right? Right? RIGHT??

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Happy Birthday to "What's His Face" and "The Other One." I'm Watching the Party Up in This Here Tree. Hi!!

Britney Spears, you may have heard of her, threw a birthday party for her two boys, "What's His Face" and "The Other One." One of them turned 2 and one of them turned 3. Like trying to figure out which Olsen is Mary Kate and which Olsen is Ashley, it doesn't matter.

Whoever took these photos must have been camped out at the top of a tree in Britney's backyard since Memorial Day. Well, that determination really paid off because now we can all have a birds-eye view of the two kids riding around in their toy cars even watch as Lynne smiled and wasn't choked by anyone in her family. I love watching white-trash with money. It should be a sport, really.

The theme of the party was "trucks." Even the cake was a truck. I guess that makes sense since the boys probably remember momma being strapped to a stretcher and placed in a big white and red truck with flashing red and yellow lights. Britney's like, "See boys, Mommy was just playing in that ambulence just like how you're playing in your trucks right now!"

Good luck to them. Hopefully The E! True Hollywood Story isn't still showing repeats of Britney's story in another 10 years. Let's also hope the Internet is shut down by then as well.

Anyway, happy birthday boys. You have only been alive for 2 and 3 years and you already have more money than me, my family, and half the city of New York will ever see in their lives. Cheers!

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I See You Britney. We All See You. We're In the Tree Above You.

Nice try with the huge umbrella, Mary Poppins, but looks like they got the shots of Britney anyway. Britney was allegedly shooting a new video at a Bel Air house that was rented for 6 hours the other day. Perhaps she's redoing "Hit Me Baby One More Time?" Why not. I say just keep re-releasing that song and making new videos.

Britney is said to still be on a natural high after her 3 wins at the MTV Music Awards. I know I'm totally jumping on the bandwagon, but Britney is looking good lately. Who knew that lack of crazy could really do such good things for your overall look. Don't get me wrong, if/when Britney loses her mind again I will, of course, be the first to jump ship again. For the time being, I'll be supportive.

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