Lauren Conrad Films Her "Hills" Work Scenes That Include, You Know, Eating Cake

I miss The Hills. There, I said it. I miss it. Don't judge me. I can't wait for March so that my Hills life can get back on track. Anyscript, Lauren Cockring was filming scenes for the latest season of The Hills, which included "sitting on her chair with a blank computer screen at her desk" and also "sitting at her desk without taking off her pocketbook and holding a slice of cake." She's a business woman! You know that when they yelled "cut" she handed the cake back to the props department and walked off the set.

As a sidenote, is LC wearing the top half of an old mans pajamas and a black tutu? No judgement, just wondering. Oh and by "no judgement" I actually mean "judgement." I'd still let her play "blow out the birthday candles" with me.

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Any Chance This Was the Dress Lauren Conrad Wanted To Be Buried In, According to Her Will?

Lauren Conrad, dressed like she's going to the funeral of Spencer Pratt, was all smiles while attending the Dolce & Gabana opening night benefit for the Art Elysium. I don't really care what any of that means. Point being, LC looks like a widow.

I forgot to mention this during yesterday's Hills recap, but do you think Lauren was more upset over the fact that her friend, Whitney, was moving to New York City, or the fact that just about everyone in Lauren's life bails on her. Jason Wahler. Brody Jenner. Heidi Montag. Audrina (every now and then). Jen Bunney (R.I.P --where has she been?). Lo (at one point). Stephen Colletti. Kristin Cavallari. LC's parents (sold their home). And now, Whitney. I'm sure if The Hills stays on for a few more seasons, there's bound to be another 5-10 people who peace out of Lauren's life. Eh, here's to wishful thinking.

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This Time Last Year: Lauren Defends "Hills" Rumors

Happy Friday and welcome back to everyones favorite lazy segment called "This Time Last Year." This Time Last Year will take a brief look at what was going on in the celebrity world...this time last year (go figure). Oh, and also I'm lazy so this is pretty easy to do on a Friday. Here's what was going on with Lauren Conrad and her words...this time last year...

I don't know where these rumors started that say that The Hills isn't real or is scripted? Who would say things like that? Ok, fine so I say it and write about it on a weekly basis, but it's all in good fun. Well Lauren Conrad isn't hearing any of that. Lauren has issued the following statement:

"There have been some rumors in the press about The Hills being fake. Many of you have been asking me if the rumors are true. There are false rumors every week about me and I can’t address every rumor out there, but I feel like this was important for me to respond to. The show is not fake and this is really my life."

Hmmm that sounded scripted. Also, this really is your life? That's sad (See Ya!). Seriously, who issues a statement like that? She should have had a press conference. And what does she mean that there are false rumors about her every week that she can't address? I think there are two rumors each week: (1) The Hill is fake and (2) Lauren had a sex-tape with Jason Wahler. That basically sums it up, no?According to Lauren, what are some other things that are real?

• Santa
• Unicorns
• Tooth Fairy
• Jack and the Beanstalk
• Results from a Ouija Board
• Easter Bunny
• Global Warming
• Fonzi
• Dragons
• Sobriety
  

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Fun With Lauren Conrad's Myspace!

Me gusta Myspace! You may remember we had some fun with Lindsay Lohan's Myspace blog a few weeks ago. Well good old Lauren Cockpig posted a little blog about a recent rumor and, well, the fans came rushing to her defense. Let me just say that no one is a bigger loser-tool-douche-bag than me, but some of these comments come in a close second. Let's peruse, shall we?

~ Yeah, some people totally are haters, but perhaps "rAcHeL" is a bit more of a hater since she is clearing making fun of Whitney with her "do ur thinK lauren." P.S, try using punctuation.

~ Here we go with another low blow. Keep your chin up? Why not just make fun of Heidi to her face/chin?




~ Honestly, I have no clue what you're talking about. Now don't get me wrong, I like the "......" more than anyone, but this is borderline not readable. Is that a word? It is now. Hit the books.

~ Hahaha! Oh J-NYC. You are totally "crazy" and a "weirdo." Don't pretend you're not. If Lauren ever talked to you personally you would probably end up putting her in your trunk and dropping her off in a ditch somewhere.....but not before turning her into a human puppet. See you on "To Catch a Predator!"

~ Well well well, Charlotte. Finally, a breath of fresh air! You've given me an idea. The next time I see Lauren post a blog IBBB is going to post a comment too. Ohhhh it should be something good. I will start planning now. Get ready!

~ Yes, my friends, you should be looking up to someone you don't know. That makes total sense. Sure your mom and dad are working their asses off to feed your fat ass and keep you in school but, you're right, Lauren Conrad is the real role model.

~ "Wat else can u do?" You could totally study hard, sweetheart, because from the looks of this comment you're about two sentences away from asking me to clean my windshield as I'm stopped at a red light. Stay in school!

~ Creepy Alert! Creepy Alert! Creepy Alert! Yowza. Where to begin? "Be my innocent queen tonight?" Ah, no means "no" you creepy perv. You may say that to your dolls that outline the entire border of your bedroom before you go to bed each night, but no one wants to read something like that ever again. Although, I must say, I do think you totally have a shot with her.

~ It's good to have goals, Jenny. However, you'd be surprised as to just how cost effective it is to stalk people. Therefore, you don't have to be rich to one day run into Lauren. Just save up enough babysitting money and buy a plane ticket to LA. Then just sit your ass on her front stairs and wait for her to come out. It's pretty cheap. And the paparazzi that sit outside of Conrad Manor typically have gum and mints for you to snack on whilst you wait. Best wishes!


Ah, well that concludes another segment of "Fun With Myspace." Come to think of it, this isn't illegal or anything, right? I mean, these people posted this stuff publicly so it's fair game right?

Well I'll just do the disclaimer that the movies do: "The events, myspace people and/or animals depicted in this blog post are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental."

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Are Lauren and Heidi Friends Again? Check the Script.

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If you don't want to know if Lauren and Heidi and her new chin, new nose, new boobs, and new lips are friends again don't continue reading. IBBB could just be tricking you. Perhaps Lauren is only friends with Heidi's new lips and not Heidi herself. Spoiler alert may be ahead....and it may not be ahead.

According to Us Weekly, who seems to blow The Hills on a daily basis, they are reporting today that Lauren and Heidi may have reconciled and become friends again. You see, Lauren was at STK restaurant in LA last night celebrating her runway show with family and friends for LA fashion week. At the same time, through the absolute grace of Jesus Claus and Santa Christ Heidi and Steve Sanders were at STK too. Imagine the likelihood of that?!


Heidi spotted Lauren (she probably noticed all the lines under Lauren's eyes as a way to identify her) and asked someone if she could congratulate Lauren on her tacky clothing line.


Lauren and Heidi (and her chin) then had a brief heart-to-heart and then were seen hugging. Personally, I think it was just Lauren's attempt to try and pop Heidi's new boobs, but that's just my theory.


Later, Heidi and Steve Sanders left STK probably so that Steve Sanders could brush his Santa pubes back on the set of The Hills.

Looks like that very well-written letter by Heidi may have paid off!

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She'll Have to Bend Slightly More Forward....

Yeah, if Lauren Conrad ever wants to receive an Emmy Award for real she'll need to be bent over a little more than she is right now to even be considered for it.

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LC Takes the Britney Spears Approach of Holding Stuff

Lauren Cockpig was running errands all around Hollywood yesterday in her jogging pants and wifebeater. I must say....pretty hot. I especially like how she's holding two iced drinks directly in front of her rack-attack. But that's just me. You may like other things. LC almost looks a little like Britney as she holds everything she owns in her little rich hands.

Lauren and her talented hands will be designing dresses that the trophy girls will hand out at the Emmy Awards. No really, they hired her for that. Lauren is so excited about this huge opportunity and has said, "I will be doing a red carpet look that still reflects the simple classic design of the Lauren Conrad Collection but with a black tie twist." Lauren continued on in her statement, "I will probably never have the respect I want in the fashion industry, but I can work hard every day to try and prove myself."

All true Lauren, all true. See all you young girls out there! All you need to do is get on a reality show, take a couple of college classes, work a half-ass internship for Lisa Loveless at Teen Vogue and "presto chango" you too can be designing dresses for the Emmy Awards! God bless America! I predict 45 more days before Jesus and/or Santa blows the US off the map.

Source It Up!

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Meet Holly Montag, No Really.

Hi everyone! Meet Holly Montag/Montard. She's the sister of Heidi Montard. She enjoys big white teeth that are a bit bucky beaver and sandals that lace up around her cankles. Holly also enjoys such activities as filming new scenes of The Hills with Lauren Conrad and never eating the sandwich that's in front of her. Wanna date her? Well you better hurry up because she is relatively unknown right now, but come the end of August she will sadly be an overnight household name as she is set to appear in a few crapisodes of The Hills. Seriously, it's like huge white teeth are a requirement for The Hills.

I'm looking forward to seeing Holly, I must admit. It's going to be a nice reminder of what Heidi used to look like before all the plastic surgeries. Holly is totally looking like her mom, Darlene. I hope someone is left in Crested Butte to take care of that damn horse. I say put it to sleep, but that's just me.

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LC and LOser Do Something, Technically.

I'm not so good with words. What's the definition of "irony?" Is that the same as "ironic?" I believe so. Anyhills, Lauren Cockring and LOser Bosworthless were at the "Do Something Awards" which are a pre-party to the Teen Choice Awards. If, like me, you're wondering what any of those things are, you're old.

Lauren was wearing one of those whiteish business outfits that Heather Locklear used to wear on Melrose Place. Perfect! I'm am not envisioning LC walking into my office and knocking all the stuff off my desk. But then she'll start talking and it will totally kill the mood. LOser, on the other hand, was wearing the bottom half of one of Mrs Roper's caftans. While crouched down, LOser looks like a peacock ready to take a hot steamy dump on the red carpet. In positive LOser feedback, she does look like she's lost some weight. So hopefully she has some form of an eating disorder or maybe she's hooked on meth or something. Fingers crossed.

As a sidenote, only 15 more sleeps until the new season of The Hills starts! August 18th you rat bastards!

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Lauren Conrad Tries the Cowgirl Look. Yee-Ho!

Yeah! Lauren Cockring is 2 for 2 in the past week for me. Last week she appeared all sloppy drunk and hot. Now, we have pictures of Lauren doing a little shopping yesterday dressed like a cowgirl. I like it. She's totally that girl who puts on her cowgirl themed outfit, heads on out to The Saddle Ranch in LA, and is double-fisting Bud Lights while slurring the words to "Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy." See, now I'm getting sidetracked thinking of LC riding a bull. Ok, I'm back.

Lauren and LOser were all over LA shopping up a shitstorm and popping in and out of such stores as Intermix and Agent Provocateur. I decided to not post any of the pictures of LOser as she is worthless white-trash in my mind.

Lauren has received some heat lately in regards to supposedly not designing her craptasic clothing line, but Lauren is fighting back against those pointless allegations by stating: "I'm involved in the entire process of my designs." Yeah, kinda like she's involved in the entire script on The Hills. Just sayin'.

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Lauren Conrad Gets Sloppy Drunk. Nice!

It's been a while since we've seen Lauren Conrad a bit on the tipsy side. Oh, and by "tipsy" side I really mean "3-sheets to the wind." LC and the gang were out enjoying themselves at Crown Bar last night. Lauren made sure to put on her best Target palm-tree themed anti-mold shower curtain because if she was going to puke on herself she certainly wanted to make sure it wasn't going to stain. At least Lauren did the right thing and didn't get behind the wheel herself. Nope, she slumped into the back seat as someone drove her ass home.

You know what that conversation in the back seat must have been like. "I love you guys for taking me home. No really Iloveyouguys. (insert tears). I've just been through so much in the past 2 years. 2 years. 2 years. 2 (hiccup) years. You guys wannago get pizza? Hey (slaps the back of the drivers head) get us some pizza. Seriously. Go! (Is now uncontrollably angry) Take us to get some f*ckin' pizza you f*ckin' piece of sh!t. You're my driver. I hired you (slaps back of head). F this. Pull over. I'll drive. No really, lemme drive. Lemme drive. Lemme drive. Lemme drive. Lemme drive. Lemme drive (hiccup). I hate all you guys. I'm not kidding. I hate you all. If you all died I wouldn't even care. (passes out). (wakes up). (pukes out window). I'm never drinking again. Never. I'm not kidding. Hey, who are you guys? Who's driving? Where's Lo? Are we rolling on this?"

End scene!

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