12 Days of a Harriet Carter Christmas: On the 12th Day of Christmas...

On the 12th Day of Christmas, my white-trash love gave to me 12 Windshield Smashers,

~ 11 Santa Toilets

~ 10 Colonial Drivers,

~ 9 Dead Nana's,

~ 8 Santa Blowers,

~ 7 Ornament Hookers,

~ 6 Crappy Church Jokes,

~ 5 Instant Christmas Tree Wall Stickers,

~ 4 "Diva Las Vegas" Whorebears,

~ 3 Magnetic Eyeglass Holders,

~ 2 Pussy Ticklers

~ And a Failure Model Chick in a Pear Treeeeeee!

On the 12th Day of Christmas: Do you ever like to just destroy things just for the hell of it? Well so does this lady! Does getting out of the car by simply pulling the handle seem a little "boring" to you. Me too! Thanks again Harriet Carter! Now getting out of the car doesn't have to be so old-fashioned anymore. All you need to do is use this trusty little tool. First, pull into your driveway. Second, take this tool and use the razor end to slice the seat belt off of you (don't just press the buckle like an animal). Third, take the other end of this tool and break the window. Finally, shimmy yourself out the window and through the broken glass. Don't worry about the cuts and blood. That's nothing the hospital can't quickly fix! In just 4 short hours you'll be back home and watching TV sipping on water and popping Vicodin. Ok, so maybe I could think of a reason why you would need something like this, but this lady totally is safe. I mean, there aren't any flames, her car isn't smoking, she hasn't been in a crash, it's a sunny day, and I think I see kids playing hopscotch in the background.

...and a Failure Model Chick in a Pear Treeeeeeee!

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